When I first started this blog, I wanted to inspire and share ‘how you can be…happy, confident, have self-love’…, but I actually wasn’t any of that. I thought I was. Looking back now, I was unhappy and had the lowest self confidence. I think when I write I am happiest, and when I was writing about those topics, it was momentary. What I did say was never untrue, just momentary, and never maintained. That week I felt confident; that day I was happy, so that week I wrote about confidence; that day I wrote about happiness. You get the picture.
Finding a series, 49 Things I’ve Learned About Life, So Far, allows me to open up about life happenings, instead of giving you insight in ‘how you can be happy’, because I will never be able to tell anyone how to do that. This happiness I’m talking about is something you desire to seek; getting to a place of knowing yourself. It’s not a one size fits all answer. Yes, go outside, hang out with friends, take yourself to dinner… those kinds of “answers” to “help you “get” happy”, but that’s not the happiness I think people are really pursuing. It’s deeper and has more depth. This happiness takes time, either to get back, maintain, and/or reach.
We are not born the same; there are no one size fits all. May sound obvious, but why then do we think happiness is easily obtainable? ‘Self care “Sunday’s”’ is a temporary happiness. What happens when Monday rolls around. Are you going to wait until it’s a self care day, or when you take that trip to Bali, to feel happiness
I wanted to be happy even when it was just a ‘typical’ day (not unrealistically happy 24/7, but have that emotion rooted in my body subconsciously). I wanted to get to the source of my unhappiness (I wasn’t necessarily really unhappy, but I didn’t feel full of life and I felt a bit defeated) and I took time to know what I need for me. What I choose to do on a day to day is what I found to be my “medicine” for a healthy and happy mindset and ‘soul’. Maintaining and knowing what I need, along with checking in with myself from time to time, is necessary. And what I do now may change over time.
Seeing a therapist is something I have been wanting to look into lately. I had a different mindset about seeing someone in the past, but I believe it’s healthy for anyone/everyone (along with journaling). Mental health is something we need to take control of and give attention to.
In the book The Happiness Hypothesis by Jonathan Haidt, he brings up a GREAT question, backed by a ‘lightbulb’ moment explanation. “Which of these two phrases rings truest to you: “Be all that you can be” or “This above all, to thine own self be true.” Our culture endorses both- relentless self-improvement as well as authenticity- but we often escape the contradiction by framing self-improvement as authenticity.
He goes on to talk about psychopharmacology; those who function better (happier with themselves) on a medication.
…But if this woman had previously been unhappy with her hypersensitive and overly inhibited personality, and if she had made little progress with psychotherapy, why exactly should she be true to a self she doesn’t want? Why not change herself for the better?”
Same goes for someone who undergoes plastic surgery- this change makes them happy. This is a person being true to themselves, while some may find this approach morally wrong.
“…A shy woman who gets a nose job, breast augmentation, twelve body piercings, and a prescription for elective Prozac would be as shocking to many people as a minister who remodels his church to look like an Ottoman harem.”
Looking back at my past, I now see why I went through so much B.S. I may not be where I want to be, but I’m happy at the rate at which I’m growing, as a person. Learning and understanding without becoming unhappy and defeated because of expectations I uphold for myself. Timing is a ‘thing’, and I believe if you want what you want, and you work towards your personal goals, regardless of life obstacles…you will get what you want. What you want for yourself should have nothing to do with anyone else, so whatever you need to do to find your happiness, you should do just that.