2016
Comparing ourselves to others is the ultimate way we end up feeling: “stuck”; unfulfilled; not worthy; unsuccessful; “anything I do is never good enough”…kind of mentality. You could be having the best day and then all of a sudden you see the newest Mercedes (I don't know cars at all) pull up next to your 1999 Honda - you immediately find a single trait or multiple traits and start talking down to yourself, simply by comparing your car to theirs. “I’m not that great or as smart as they are, I will never have what they have - I’m a loser.” Now this becomes a cycle and you assume you lack something and reinforce negative beliefs about yourself.
“Nothings missing in you, but you assume somethings missing in you when you compare yourself.” - Dr. Demartini
“There’s nothing missing in you. You don’t need to get rid of any part of yourself.” -DM
I actually thought that comparing myself to others was normal. Little did I know, that kind of self talk (finding traits and talking down to yourself) can chip away at you until you feel “worthless”. Comparing myself for years, lead to me not accepting who I truly was. I yearned to be: taller; thinner; prettier; smarter; more successful…etc.- it was counterintuitive because I was sulking in my own negative energy, leading me nowhere.
This was all before I wrote down the great traits I do love about myself and what I do value (I wrote about this in my first post, Self Love & Confidence), slowly gaining acceptance once again. After writing down what I love about myself, I found energy again to: BE ME and do what I wanted the whole time (before I started comparing someone else’s values to mine); to set the goals I wanted for myself before, and to spread more love to everyone around me.
Comparing yourself all comes down to Values.
Value- if we want the deepest level of life fulfillment, we can achieve it in only one way, and that is by doing what these two men have done: by deciding upon what we value most in life, what our highest values are, and then committing to live by them every single day! - Tony Robbins
“Get clear about what is most important in our lives and decide that we will live by these values, no matter what happens.” -TR
I recently went to Dr. Demartini’s public talk in Santa Monica and he spoke about values (this was my inspiration for writing this post). He gave a great example: An older gentleman who was a doctor, asked Demartini, how he can become more successful. The gentleman was claiming he wasn’t successful because his neighbor, who is also a doctor, has a bigger house; nicer cars; better “toys”…Demartini asked how his relationship is with his wife and son, and other people in his family. He said “great” (making the longer story short), but I don’t know how he has all of that- I want that how do I get that? Demartini went on to ask how his neighbors relationship is with his wife and son, and other people in his family. The gentleman said “well I never know if him and his wife are together or not, they fight a lot; his mother-in-law moved away because she couldn’t stand being there…”
This speaks the meaning of Value. One man values his relationships and the other values the money and materialism. One mans focus was on something different than the others.
Some notes from Dr. Demartini:
Success= Fulfillment
Don’t compare yourself to someone else’s values.
*I may have different values that say, someone I’m comparing myself to.
Envy is ignorance.
Honor yourself by being yourself.
Your values are manifesting your form of magnificence. (!!!!!)
If you make a decision, it’s based on your values.
Imperative language= I should be doing this = this is you trying to be someone you’re not.
As your values change, so does your destiny.
Highest value= Purpose= most effective
Self Belief= proportionate to your congruency
After leaving the room, I felt as if a brick fell off my shoulders. I finally felt 100 percent love for myself and gave myself permission to say how AMAZING I really am (yes, cheesy, but try it) and anything I want to do in life, I will do, because I value just that. I never knew what triggered me to compare myself, but all along it was knowing that we all have different values in life.
Sounds so simple, but why are people afraid to die? Is it maybe because they are living a lie and not living true to their values, they’re waiting for the “right time” to finally say, “OKAY HERE I AM WORLD, THIS IS ME”. It’s true- I have different values than that person I “wanted to achieve to be,” but guess what: I will never be like them, nor do I want to be (anymore), as I know I wouldn’t be true to myself. Once you are completely true to yourself, you’re going to feel fulfilled, no matter what.
Questions to ask yourself from Tony Robbins “Awaken the Giant Within”:
What would your values need to be to create your ultimate destiny and live your best life?
What’s most important to me in life?
What do my values need to be in order to create my ultimate destiny, in order to be the best person I could possibly be, in order to have the largest impact in my life right now? What values do I need to add?
What values should I eliminate from my list in order to achieve my ultimate destiny?
So, I guess what I’m saying is: take that mask off! :) Be you- be what you’ve always wanted to become.
“ The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.” -TR