2017
Take on whatever comes your way, but don’t go looking for more of the same. Monotony can hinder you from advancing and generating further gains; whether it’s improving whatever skill set you have or creating challenges- you want to be motivated to push yourself to levels you never would have imagined. When you feel, perhaps, unhappy: that feeling of, possibly, loneliness; unfulfillment; resentment; guilt; doubt; a death; boredom…whatever that feeling may be, you should allow yourself the time to check in and reevaluate your personal life. These feelings are normal, but those feelings should not take over or represent your ‘everyday’. As a kid you want to explore and learn- you do as you feel, with no agenda. As an adult, I find it important to keep the spontaneity alive and continue to integrate all the things you want to do. Aside from the responsibilities, commitments, and obligations one takes on as an adult, it does not mean that you have to eliminate the inner youth in you. Spontaneity can keep you mentally sharp, less stressed, inspired, happier, and essentially, an overall exciting and enthusiastic life of adventure. It’s OK to not take ourselves so seriously and make the most out of each day.
“If you do what you love, it is the best way to relax.” -Christian Louboutin
I knew a considerable part of myself was missing- caught up in the “grind until you get it” facade, I couldn’t remember the last time I did anything spontaneous and felt that sensation of excitability. That’s when I knew I was “fuc!ed”…feeling rigid and “fixed”, I knew I had to tap back into my adolescence as I would not allow myself to continue being “stale” and robotic. I had a daily routine and agenda I followed everyday, and most times would not allow last minute plans interfere with how my day was mapped out. I would say “no” to most invites because “I had yoga class and “needed” to read and write”. I would feel guilty or “bad” if I “played” instead of “getting stuff done”. Recognizing the “guide book” I constructed for myself, I knew I didn’t want my life to mediocre and decided to let go of the things “I thought I had to do, but didn’t want to”. Honestly, I was apprehensive that, as determined and focused as I am, I would lose those qualities by allowing myself to be impulsive and spontaneous.
“Don’t aim for success if you want it; just do what you love and believe in, and it will come naturally.” - David Frost
To be spontaneous constitutes uncertainty or doubt for others, while some naturally have “it” in them. Sheridan Fidelman states in her article, ’The Importance of Spontaneity’, “spontaneity is often something that frightens people. Why? Because many people are scared of the unknown. Though being spontaneous is something done without planning, being spontaneous does take practice for some. Some people are definitely born with it, while others develop an affinity for it later in life. Like any good skill you must practice it before it is perfect.” I didn’t realize or even know that this is actually an important quality for humans to posses or exercise, until I felt the void of spontaneity in my own life- I was lacking spontaneity and excitement.
“My parents always told me, ‘Do what you love because that is what you will do well in.’ They told me to make sure that you are happy.” - Dylan Lauren
In The Washington Post, ‘Why it’s good for grown-ups to go play,’ Lynn Barnett expresses, “There’s a reason that adult play exists in modern society…one theory is that we play because it’s therapeutic- and there’s research to back that up. At work, play has been found to speed up learning, enhance productivity and increase job satisfaction; and at home, playing together, like going to a movie or a concert, can enhance bonding and communication.” After 7 months of integrating this attribute into my day to day, I built up: inspiration, excitement, creativity/imagination, and a new/diverse set of skills. This, in-turn assisted with my approach in my entertainment pursuit by forming: new connections, friends, experiences, and surprisingly, opportunities in the exact areas I’ve been manifesting. I’m now more determined and focused than I was before, but I have eliminated the feeling of anxiety- rushing to get to where I want to be.
“DON’T TRY TO RUSH THINGS THAT NEED TIME TO GROW” - unknown
If you can’t differentiate this week from last week, you need to try something new. An article, ’Psychology of Daily Routines (or Why We Struggle with Habits)’ elaborates: “We all think we want to have a lot of choices, but the truth is that too many choices lead to overwhelm, causing people to make bad choices or shut down and do nothing. Routines limit the number of decisions you have to make, increasing your odds of doing the right thing…Think of the amount of mental energy driving takes for the person who is just learning, compared to someone who has been driving for several years. The novice driver has to think about every move, from buckling a seatbelt to adjusting mirrors to turning the key in the ignition and then putting the car into drive. In contrast, a person who has been driving for several years and drives the same route to work every day can safely drive to work without even thinking about how to get there. Daily routines help when it comes to reducing the amount of cognitive load because, in a sense, you become an expert at the things you do day in and day out.”
In January, I let go of ‘Routine’ and started my days off doing exactly what I wanted to do, for instance: sleep in (even till noon (haven’t done that in years)); have a cookie for breakfast; go out and dance…like every weekend (dancing is my #1 favorite thing to do, hands down), replace my podcasts for music, and most recently did my first stand up comedy (need much more practice, haha)…doing what I wanted to do (aside from what I had/have to do (the temporary “job” right now to pay bills)) allowed me to enhance what I was good at therefore I was/am “having my cake and eating it too.” In my situation, I highly enjoy entertaining people (and myself, haha): I like music, comedy, writing, acting, and dancing; for me to flip my daily “doings” a complete 180, invited in new streams of creativity that I realized I wanted/needed in order to entertain. I appreciate and enjoy the vulnerability of entertainment and feel that there is more to be shared with others- it’s exciting and challenging at the same time, constantly keeping me on my toes.
“Reality is wrong. Dreams are for real.” - Tupac Shakur”
Now, my situation is most likely going to be different from yours, but my point is: you don’t have to do what you don’t want to do and you should stop doing what you’re doing if it makes you unhappy, let alone, getting you in a state of monotony and feeling of sameness. When you start doing what you ACTUALLY want to do, that means you enjoy JUST THAT, therefore you will be involved in what you enjoy, all the time, for as long as you’d like. You will always be changing so don’t worry about “figuring it out.” Worry that you are limiting yourself by thinking it would be “wrong” to ‘go out and dance instead of do the chores you have to get done.’ All this is said lightly- I know there are individuals who have kids and such, but just put it all in perspective for yourself. Routines are not bad, that is not what I’m saying- YOU need to live a fulfilling, exciting, and unconventional life all the while keeping the healthy day to day habits, alive. There is absolutely no right way to go about life, so all I say is go all in and be one hundred percent you.
“Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside while still alive. Never surrender.” - Tupac Shakur
Most importantly, especially in this generation, do not rush anything. If you are surrounded by and acting upon what you want to do, you will meet, see, and do what you want to do with time. If you rush where you want to be, it won’t be what you want for long. Although I have broken out of ‘Routine’ I keep my structure and vision in conjunction with what I feel I want to do. I have fun and do exactly what I want to do, but I’m aware of the “larger picture” that I want for myself. It’s all about balance, but you have to see what works for you; experiment with yourself and go nuts, man!
“Listen to your gut- go all in and be one hundred percent you.” - Jade 'Da Boss' Branden
Mastering myself is important for my well being and others around me so to “UnFuc! myself” I took off the mask of who I was “supposed” to be and began to see myself as WHO I am.
10 ways I found that help(ed) me UnFuc! Myself are:
1. Break out of routine
2. Don’t Rush
3. Do exactly what you want to do
4. Find inspiration and take notes
5. Give, Give, Give (“We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.” - Winston S. Churchill)
6. Be You. 100% Authentically YOU
7. Watch. Listen. Talk Less. TAKE ACTION
8. Live in the present
9. Do not live in the past. Learn from it (use the “bad times” to your advantage) and move on
10. Stay away from negative people or circumstances